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A Graduate's
Story
Never in the
history of Lifespring has there been a more dramatic demonstration
of the salutary power of its processes than in the story of
25-year-old Raye, serving a life sentence without possibility
of parole for first degree murder.
Raye was convicted
but has steadfastly denied her participation with another
young woman in setting up and murdering a third. They were
allegedly paid to do so by their employer, the owner of a
topless bar where Raye was known as "The Snake Lady"
because she danced with a six-foot boa constrictor.
Raye pled not
guilty, accused witnesses against her of lying, and has, ever
since, claimed to have been the victim of a bum rap. Moderately
good looking, she has long, bushy, curly hair which at the
beginning of the training sessions effectively concealed her
face.
She was uncommunicative
and quiet until the morning of the third day when she rose
from her chair, walked up to the platform, and stood before
the mic. She spoke with difficulty, her voice choked with
emotion.
Said she, "When I came in
here [to the training session] it was a game. I came as an
observer. I was trying to be slick. But last night I looked
at myself in the mirror, and what I saw was hate. Hate in
my eyes. I saw myself and I was a bitch!" Then, with
tears running down her cheeks, she cried out, "I am a
bitch! It hurt. I've been pretending to be what I am not.
I don't want to be that. I want to be myself and to love myself."
She stood speechless
before the mic for a long time, struggling to gain control
of herself. She hung her head and the bush of hair hid her
face. Her trim, small body shook like an aspen leaf and she
seemed to quiver in every limb. Her fists were clenched and
she was racked with sobs.
Finally, she continued. "A
lot of you know what I am here for-and it's the truth!"
she exclaimed. "I'm guilty!" And then, to our amazement,
we saw her break down and confess to murder which she had
long denied. "I know I did it. I've been lying to myself.
I didn't actually kill her myself but I did kill her because
I was there and I could have saved her. Now I am facing it
and it hurts."
Tears ran down her cheeks, and
her words, interspersed with sobs, seemed compelled by a force
greater than herself. "I deserve the time I got. I deserve
it!"
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